Learning to Let Go

It's been just about 8 months since we found out what was ailing Merlin. The specialist told us he'd have about 9 months to live.

Bastard was right it seems.....even though our regular vet says it appears to be cancer, not his heart that is the problem now. We got all cocky and thought Merlin looked so good he would cheat death. Imagine that. The specialist actually knew what he was talking about.

Nothing is set in stone yet. We've got pain meds for Merlin and we'll reevaluate on Saturday how he's doing. But, it's only a matter of time. I don't want him to suffer, so as long as he's comfortable we'll give him lots of love and attention, but as soon as the time is right we'll say our good-byes. The vet has agreed to come to us when it's time to put him to rest. I think we'll do it out under his favorite tree. I think he'd like that.

I went back through my posts from earlier this year and reread what I had written about death and surrender. It was really good to read my own thoughts again. It was helpful to remember the lessons I've learned and take comfort in my spiritual beliefs. I was able to cry yesterday at the pain of losing my companion, but there was a sense of  peace through my tears. I know this is all a part of Life. I know that sorrow and joy are two sides of the same coin. Even as I mourn for him, I remember all he's given to me. Even as I hurt at the thought of him dying, I look at Adelle and see vibrant Life. It's all part of the cycle. For me there's a sense of calm and stillness in that acceptance.

Merlin has been such a good friend to me. Of course I'll miss him and all his quirky kitty ways when he's gone, but I'm grateful for the years we've had together. I honestly can't imagine my life without him and Gabby! When he's gone, I'll write a little tribute to my kitten friend. For now, I'll just go soak him up and give him some love.