World Milksharing Week Part IV: Milky Mamas

The women who choose to share are the heart of milksharing. There are plenty of women and babies who need milk, but the circle wouldn't be complete without those Milky Mamas. So far Adelle has had eight women's milk, other than my own.

The first thing most people ask when I tell them I have chosen donor milk over formula is: "Is it safe?" To be clear, this exchange is not monitored by any health agency. It is done mother to mother and based on trust. In today's society and mind frame I understand this can be difficult for some people. We aren't a culture used to  wetnursing or sharing breastmilk. I could go on a whole rant as to how women's bodies, the beautiful process of labor, and everything down to our monthly cycles has been made to be seen as something dirty, but I won't. I'll simply answer the question this way: I always ask if the donor has had a health screening and blood tests during pregnancy. Beyond that my view is that these women are giving their breaskmilk to their own child, so why wouldn't I trust that it is safe? Also, people are generally well meaning and helpful. If a woman is willing to go out of her way to help my child, would she really do so knowing that she is at risk for passing on disease? I don't believe so. I choose to trust the kindness and loving nature of these women.

The first two lots of milk I got were from mothers who had premature babes and pumped while in hospital. I never got to meet these mamas unfortunately, but am forever grateful because their rich milk lasted us months. Once it ran out and I started collecting smaller amounts from other mamas I began to meet the women behind the milk and got to hear their stories as to why they have extra and wanted to donate. All of them felt that after they'd worked to pump they'd hate to see the milk go to waste and would rather it go to a baby in need.

One Mama is tandem nursing two girls. Her older girl isn't always around, so Mama needs to pump to avoid mastitis. She's also now back to work so needs to pump while she's there. Another Mama wanted to give her son a bottle as well as breast, but he never took to it. So, she donates the milk to me and says it's something she wanted to do since her first child was born. The most recent donation I got was from a Mama who exclusively pumps and bottle feeds her daughter because breastfeeding hurt too much. Her supply is so abundant that after 9 weeks she had 9.5 extra liters of milk in her freezer! She literally couldn't fit any more into it! That's just a few stories, but all the women who have shared with us are beautiful souls and really lovely people. I'm happy to have met them.

I wish I could explain how lucky I feel that these women have chosen to share such a gift with us. I feel so honored to know them. I know Adelle loves their milk because she visibly gets excited for her extra milk. And I know it's done her good because she's thrived on it.

Of course there is part of me that wishes I could give her all she needs. After she had some big weight gains we tried weaning her off the donor milk, but after three weeks even though she had gained it was not enough weight to put my mind at ease that she didn't need the donor milk. When I put her back on the 150ml/day she started packing on the weight again. I had to put my ego aside and again be grateful that there were women out there willing to fill that need. I read this blog post recently and I loved what the mother said about receiving donated milk:

I am not a failure because I could not meet all the milk needs of my boys. I am a success because I managed to stay true to my core values of human milk for human babies. I could not have done this without the village community of the women who supported me and helped me feed my babies.

For me, other than the gift of nourishment for my child, the next greatest gift has been the very personal understanding of this bond called Motherhood. I've always enjoyed the Sisterhood I've felt with other women, but something changes when you go from Woman to Woman With Child. It's just a different type of connection between Mamas and the experience of that has touched me and nurtured me deeply.

A big thank you to all the Milky Mamas who have donated to us. Next time around if I'm able to donate I most certainly will be paying your generosity forward. You all have a special place in our hearts....and a very special place in Adelle's tummy!