Adelle 8 & 9 Months

My Cheeky Monkey,

Mama is sorry. I haven't felt like picture taking or blog writing much these past few months. Not that you aren't picture worthy, and you certainly give me plenty of material to write about, but I simply haven't had any creative juices running through me. Not to mention that I have to keep an even closer eye on you now that you are mobile!

Yes, that's right, shortly after my last writing you began to crawl. Dad and I were standing in the livingroom talking about putting you to bed when all of a sudden....you just did it! And, in your usual form, you acted as if it was no biggie with a look on your face like 'whatever' as if you'd been crawling all along. When we made a big fuss, as we often do, you just looked at us as if to say 'What? Haven't you ever seen a baby crawl before?  Whadda coupla dorks."

In that same week you began pulling up on anything that was stationary and climbing on stairs. Oh what a thrill to watch you go! It was also so fun watching you at play time. For a long time now you've been tasting things and turning them this way and that to get a look from all sides, but then you began shaking things about. Dad and I took to singing an oldies song to you "You gotta shake, rattle, and roll" each time you did that. You'd smile a big goofy smile and keep on shaking. More recently you've begun banging things together. You just never stop exploring. You love going to new places so that you have new things to look at.

You began waving before we left and it was just so darn cute to see your little hand opening and closing. You also started signing 'milk' while you drank your mama's milk. I'm trying to teach you a few more signs now, like 'all done', but you land up turning them all into 'YAY' in which you hold both hands up over your head and smile. That is just about THE cutest thing you've ever done.

A big hooray with Dad's credit card in your hand. 

Even though you don't know a whole lot of sign language yet, you sure are communicating. Pushing our hands away if we try to give you something you don't want. Grunting excitedly for food. Pumping your legs when you are happy to see someone. The other week your dad tried to steal a kiss after you pushed his face away (I don't blame him-you are pretty hard not to kiss) and Nana and I heard the LOUDEST most angry scream ever come out of your little mouth. You sure told him. We all had a big laugh. Even though you like to sign milk while you are eating, you don't ask me for milk that way. You come over, sit on my lap, and slide into position. Then when you are done with one side you get up and slide into position on the other side. Your main communication though is through smiles and giggles. Everyone says you are the happiest baby they've ever seen, and I have to tell you it's true. You smile all the time.

Your personality is really starting to shine through. Like I said, you love going to new places to explore, but you also like meeting new people. When we're out and about you stare at people and when you've assessed that they're okay, then proceed to give them an ear to ear grin. Oh, and you've started wrinkling up your nose when you smile. That literally turns my heart into a puddle of goo.

You decided that getting your clothes changed was totally uncool and too babyish for you. As soon as we tried to remove or put on a piece of clothing you commenced with the most amazing acrobatic flips, rolls, and squiggles I've ever seen all while throwing the most theatrical hissy fits I've witnessed thus far. It was like trying to dress an angry fish. I think you just truly hated being taken away from whatever you were doing.

Just after you turned 8 months old we had a big trip to America planned, but right before we left I began to see teeth through your bottom gums. I was so excited! I had no idea how excruciatingly long it takes for teeth to come up. Over a month later and those teeth would still only be half way up. Still, you look absolutely adorable with your little nubby teeth. We catch glimpses of them when you are smiling or eating and you've begun to rip at your food with them. It's almost a little sad for me though, because your face is changed forever. No more gummy grin. It's just one more little thing that signifies that you are on your way to being an Independent Woman.

So we took the big trip back to America to introduce you to all my people. Thirty hours door to door--I was a bit nervous how it would go. I thought you'd hate sitting around on a dumb old plane for so long and getting dragged through airports. Silly me, I worried for nothing! You traveled like a champ! It must run in your genes. You were making friends all over the place. This little old Honduran lady sitting across from us kept calling you Muchachita (little lady) and speaking Spanish to you. She was your bestest friend. Even at the end of the trip on the shuttle bus from JFK to Grand Central you were flirting and waving to some random dude behind us.

We took the train from NYC to Bridgeport and when we got there your Grandmama scooped you up and gave you hugs. We stopped to see my Gram, Aunt Diane, and cousin Shari straight away. It felt good to me that my family finally got to meet you. Finally you got to meet your Nany Ilse, who you are named for. I know she was very glad to see you. Don't tell her I told you, but she might have had a tear in her eye.

You and Nany Ilse (you weren't loving picture taking this day!)

The rest of the trip was spent visiting, visiting, visiting. We saw both sides of my family and bunches of friends like Genessa, Melissa, (a different) Melisa, Laura, Katrina and Damon, Madelyn, Maureen and Liz, and Jaimee. Since we were there a month we got to see some people more than once, which was wonderful! Grandmama had a party for us so that people could come meet you. You met your other Great Grandma then. We did lots of driving around. You were a star the whole time. You took naps in the car, or wherever we could put you down, and you were almost never cranky. You loved when we visited my friends with kids because you looooove playing with other kids--especially the older ones because you like to watch what they are doing. You practiced more crawling and standing while holding onto things. You've become much more nimble and adept in your body.

Me, Grandma Mic, Grandmama, and you at 8 months

You and your Grandmama

While we were there I got to look at old photos of me as a baby and little girl. That was really special for me. There's no denying you have Daddy's beautiful eyes (that is the first thing everyone says when they see you, "Look at those beautiful big blue eyes"). In the pictures I got to see how much you look like me too. There was one photo of me at your age smiling and we look like twins! Your Daddy's eyes and my smile. I like that very much. You've also got my nose and lips.

One of few pics we have of the three of us as I'm almost always behind the camera! Shortly after this we ha a camera malfunction which is a total bummer.

We ended the trip in NYC. We stayed in a hotel and got to see a bit of Manhattan before we took the big trip home. I think because we started traveling in the evening and you were already tired, the trip home was a little tougher for you than on the way there, but overall you were still super.

At the end of these few months I can say that your sleeping habits are....still pretty unpredictable. You teased us with a few seven hour stretches while we were in Connecticut, but promptly went back to sleeping in 2-4 hour stints. Sigh. Ah well. I just keep telling myself it won't be like this forever. Luckily your Dad has become the baby whisperer and has honed his technique for getting you down for naps. That has been a huge help because for some reason with me you just think it's play time.

I think that about covers it, babe. Actually, it doesn't begin to cover it at all. Every single day you bring Dad and I laughter and joy that can't be captured in writing. As you show us bits of your personality and as you grow into this little person we fall in love with you a little more each day. I don't believe when a baby is born it's parents feel the full extent of love right away. The love is there, no doubt. But each day a new seed is planted and over time the love blooms into a lush garden. Pretty soon that garden has taken over everything and there you are as a parent, sitting in the middle of it, in wonderment of what has been created.

You in your cheeky monkey hat from Grandmama

I think each day we are planting seeds in your heart, too. When you grow big I hope that you'll be able to close your eyes and feel all our love for you no matter where you are or what you are going through. There will be so many things that happen in your life that we won't be able to change, but we can at least arm you with the knowing that you are loved, adored, and cared for.

Namaste my sweet. Love always, Mama

Welcome 2012

I'm still in the midst of writing my letters to Adelle for months 8 and 9, but wanted to throw out a quick reflection on 2011...
2011 held a lot of change for me. Marriage. Moving across the globe. Motherhood. The loss of my sweet Merlin. With all that it brought anxiety, depression, and lots of emotional eating--all of the things I thought I had conquered! In the midst of all this upheaval I'm trying to be gentle with myself in these "regressions." I'm happy to report that going into 2012 I'm rounding the corner and feeling more myself again. Thankfully.

The last month in 2011 I had pretty much just left everything behind and was moving into a new life. This last month of 2012 I spent revisiting my old life.

I'm glad to have made the trip back to America. There are people there that are dear to my heart that I miss. But, I can say this:

I still have no doubts that all of my choices were the best ones for me. And, even with all the emotional upheaval, I feel deeply that it was all worth it. People at home asked me if I'm feeling at home in Australia. The weird part is that I still call Connecticut home because it's where I'm from, but Australia is home now. Truly. I don't know if I would have said that before my trip to Connecticut, but I can say it now without hesitation. No, I'm not completely settled in yet, but this is where my heart is.

 I have so much to be grateful for in this new year. I have so much to look forward to. Adelle is the joy of my life and watching her grow is a gift. I have a great support system in Paul and my in-laws. I'm getting to know people and slowly building friendships. I'm hoping to pick up a few hours a week of teaching yoga....and I'm excited to reconnect with that part of myself.

The last year went by in a bit of a haze, but I'm welcoming 2012 and all it has to offer with fresh bright eyes.

Adelle 7 Months

Dear Chubba Wubba,

Lord have mercy, where did this month go? I blinked and all of a sudden you had grown into a mini-toddler.It’s shocking! You are no longer a baby-baby. You’re in the second half of your first year. You are seven months big.

You are not crawling as of yet, but the acrobatics you do are amazing. You are so close to crawling I keep thinking it'll be any day now. I also keep thinking any day you'll be getting teeth (as you've been a bit more grumpy than usual), but that hasn't happened either!

You've figured out there's more going on around you than you can see in your direct line of vision (clever girl), so you've begun peering over, around, and behind things. The look on your face is too precious.

What's that over there??

You were just starting to be more aware of the cats when Merlin died a few weeks ago (more on that in another post). Since then you've grown to LOVE Gabby and you are generally pretty gentle with her. She's unbelievably patient with you. She just lays back and lets you have a go until she's had enough. Never once a hiss or a swat.

You've also made some little baby friends. You did the sweetest thing and gave your friend a hug and a kiss....then other times you're super curious about what an eye must feel like and want to have a little grab of someone's face, so I have to be real close to make sure you don't accidentally blind someone.

Your studious face.

You and Daddy have started swimming lessons. Overall you are pretty unconcerned. You did crack a few smiles, but for the most part you just hung out. You even went underwater and when you came up had this look on your face like "whatever."

You love your Daddy. You finally sat through a whole book the other night as he read to you.

You are moved to laugh every single day. Sometimes I try to make you laugh and you look at me like I’m straight out of the asylum. Then other times I just give you a certain look and you giggle. Once in a while when breastfeeding you if I'm preoccupied with something else I feel your eyes boring a hole into my head. I look down and you burst into laughter. Um. Uh. What did I do that was funny? Nothing at all. You are a child and you must laugh. So, no matter where we are or who we’re with in those moments I engage you and we laugh together. It must be done. Your happiness is contagious and must be watered.

Whattaya doin Mama?

On that note, you are teaching me a whole new side of Love. Of course, I have never loved someone quite the way I’ve loved you, but I’ve also never experienced someone  loving me quite the way you do. I still get a ‘what, who me??’ kind of feeling when you fuss specifically for me. I thought I had gotten away without you going through the ‘clingy’ phase, but you seem to just be growing into it now. I try to put you down, but you just go into hysterics until I pick you up again. It isn’t an ego based feeling I get, but rather a deeper understanding of Motherhood (and maybe it's a bit frustrating at times!!). It helps me to see that no matter how I ‘show up’ you will love me As Is. You will want my approval. You will want me to love you and hold you. You will want me to just be there without saying a word just to feel the comfort of my presence.

That makes me feel even more responsible to be my best Self for you....and I do try.

When I come toward you and you hold your arms out for me, when you grab me and give me kisses out of nowhere, when you laugh at me for no reason, or when you just want me to stop and play with you for two minutes to reconnect I remember all that I am in your Life and I think ‘Holy shit. God give me all the tools I need.’ I also feel our love wholly in those moments. There's this little spark--a connection--that is special only to us and it just makes me so darn happy. YOU make me so darn happy!

You with the bear Grandmama sent you from America.

As another month comes to an end, yet another lay before us. This month you'll crawl. I'm sure of it. Teeth? Yeah, probably. What else? Who knows! No matter what, you'll delight me every single day. You are Mama's little treasure. 

I love you with all my Being, Mama

P.S. You've been having more and more good night's sleep....can you possibly keep that up? Thanks, Dad and I appreciate it!

Learning to Let Go

It's been just about 8 months since we found out what was ailing Merlin. The specialist told us he'd have about 9 months to live.

Bastard was right it seems.....even though our regular vet says it appears to be cancer, not his heart that is the problem now. We got all cocky and thought Merlin looked so good he would cheat death. Imagine that. The specialist actually knew what he was talking about.

Nothing is set in stone yet. We've got pain meds for Merlin and we'll reevaluate on Saturday how he's doing. But, it's only a matter of time. I don't want him to suffer, so as long as he's comfortable we'll give him lots of love and attention, but as soon as the time is right we'll say our good-byes. The vet has agreed to come to us when it's time to put him to rest. I think we'll do it out under his favorite tree. I think he'd like that.

I went back through my posts from earlier this year and reread what I had written about death and surrender. It was really good to read my own thoughts again. It was helpful to remember the lessons I've learned and take comfort in my spiritual beliefs. I was able to cry yesterday at the pain of losing my companion, but there was a sense of  peace through my tears. I know this is all a part of Life. I know that sorrow and joy are two sides of the same coin. Even as I mourn for him, I remember all he's given to me. Even as I hurt at the thought of him dying, I look at Adelle and see vibrant Life. It's all part of the cycle. For me there's a sense of calm and stillness in that acceptance.

Merlin has been such a good friend to me. Of course I'll miss him and all his quirky kitty ways when he's gone, but I'm grateful for the years we've had together. I honestly can't imagine my life without him and Gabby! When he's gone, I'll write a little tribute to my kitten friend. For now, I'll just go soak him up and give him some love.

Adelle 6 Months

Lovely Girl,

Woweee kiddo, this month has been exciting! I swear it seemed like each day was a new adventure. Who needs African safaris or skydiving from airplanes when you have a six month old around?

Us girlies love each other

Earlier this month you mastered rolling from your back to your belly--and off you went! Rolling, rolling, rolling around! Then when that got old you started pivoting in all directions. Then when even that got old you got up onto hands and knees, sliding your legs back behind you and scooching backwards. You love to stand, too. You've got strong legs! A few weeks ago you were getting frustrated on your back and belly, so I'd help you sit. Each day I saw you get stronger until lo and behold just a few days ago you could do it yourself!

Sweetness of the sweet

Earlier this month I saw a switch flick in your brain when you suddenly recognized your favorite toy and grabbed for it. It was like I could here you thinking "HEY! That's mine! Gimme!" You pick something up and turn it this way and that, staring at it from all angles. You are grabbing for everything and you are fast, girl. It's like watching a movie in fast forward. One night when we went out for dinner your Dad sat down at the table and you immediately went for the fork in front of you. By the time he'd gotten that out of your death grip you had snapped up the napkin. Later, when I sat you on my lap I pushed my plate far enough away that I thought you couldn't get to it. How wrong I was. You had leaned forward, snatched up a handful of noodles, and began sucking on them before I could even blink an eye. All of this lends me to believe we are in BIG trouble once you are fully mobile.

We started giving you solid foods this month and guess what? You LOVE food. You haven't turned your nose up at anything I've put in front of you yet. Pumpkin, sweet potato, lentils, chicken, pork, beef, potato, carrot, apple, pear, egg, toast, avocado, peanut butter, cracker, broccoli, oats, cereal, pizza, pasta....oh and then there was the cheesecake. You loved it all, but when you ate the cheesecake you pumped your arms and legs excitedly and said "MMMMM....MMMMMM!! I suspect it may have been your favorite food so far.

First attempts at eating have worn you out

Sink bath! Just like your Mama used to have!

Here is your "I'm excited!" face

I'll tell you what....you are a social kid. You thrive on being in the center of things. We went to a birthday party on a night that you hadn't had a good nap all day. You fussed a teensy bit here and there, but overall you were happy and smiley. We went to another party and you stayed in the midst of things until you got too tired. Then we put you to bed in the other room and you stayed sleeping with all the noise around you for the longest stretch in weeks. You really like people. You like to study them mostly. You are, however, becoming aware of strangers more and more. You have started to cry a few times when people you don't know well try to pick you up. It's really cute the way your bottom lip puckers.

Brandy the dog in the background

Ready to plant one on me

You also learned how to give kisses this past week. At first I didn't realize what you were doing. Every morning I wake up and smile at you, then smother you with kisses. One morning you grabbed my hair and pulled me to you with a big open mouth which you planted right on my cheek. It took me a minute, but when I realized what you were doing it lit up my heart! Later that day you gave kisses to your Papa Graham, then to your Nana Sandy. You gave her kisses, then looked over at me. I smiled and told you what a sweet girl you are, so you turned back and gave her more kisses. This went on and on. It may have been the sweetest thing I've ever seen. Truly.

 

Each day you get more beautiful and I learn who You are a little better, and each day your Dad and I fall a little more in love with you. You are an absolute beam of sunshine in our lives (even if we are a little sleep deprived from all the night wakings!). We couldn't wish up anything in the world that would make us happier than you.

I can't wait to see what adventures this month brings!! I'm thinking crawling is in our near future....then the REAL adventure begins for you!

All my love, kisses, and hugs, Mama